THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BOYS AND GIRLS
 

The Yapper  
Do you know why boys and girls are different? Not how, why, jerk-ass!

"I can't live with or without you." -- Bono

Remember that? Was the man from U2 simply presenting a variation on the time-honored adage about women? You know, the one that goes: "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em"?

Got me.

I bet you could write some fascinating stuff about the differences between men and women. Maybe they could have a class in school about it. Nowadays, pundits and "experts" will say that on the inside, everyone's the same. I suppose it's possible.

In any event, women's bodies sure are different from men's. For instance, I heard about one girl, she carried her diaphragm around in her purse!

I'm not boasting when I say that my diaphragm won't fit in my purse.

Oh well, let's look at what some of the pundits have to say.

What's the truth about boys and girls? The truth?

Beethoven:
 Sensual pleasure without unity of souls is and remains bestial; after it there remains no trace of noble sentiment, regret only.
Donald Regan:
Men are afraid to try artistic things because they think it makes them sissies.
Marge Simpson:
Girls, Lisa. Boys kiss girls.
Some guy on a bike:
Women need a reason to have sex.
The Waitresses:
 Boys like me.
Liam Neeson as 'Rob Roy': Women are the heart of honor.
Helen Mirren:
 I love men!
Bob Nemtusak:
 Eat my pussy.
Percy Sledge:
 When a man loves a woman, can't keep his mind nothin else ... (unintelligible)
Ray Parker, Jr.:
 Girls are more fun.
Heavy D:
 Gyrlz, they love me.
Grace Bando:
 There is nothing more beautiful than a woman with her child.
Amy Pietz, Annie from
'Caroline in the City':
 I don't have a 'winky.'
Lessing:
 Nature meant woman to be her masterpiece.
Leonard Maltin:
 [Mike's pants] are great ...Who doesn't love [Mike's pants]? [Mike's pants] are even better than [George Lucas' ass]. Go see [Mike's pants]. Outstanding!

There you have it, folks. For all I know, none of the people quoted above have the answer. If you ask me, the smart money is in Mike's pants. But if you try to take it, he might tell you to get out of there.

Yap yap yap yap

More columns from The Yapper:

Dick Sharkwater pens The Yapper
for The Site of Big Shoulders.
Watch http://sobs.org for more
columns from The Yapper.