This Bus'll School Ya ...

A ragtag group of about thirty people climbs onto a bright yellow school bus.

At the wheel a smiling redheaded man wearing three pairs of Coke-bottle glasses strains to read a clipboard about two inches from his face. He happily announces that he acquired his position as our driver through the Streetwise Work Empowerment Center. The passengers seem concerned about the fate of the bus.

About halfway down the aisle, hands rise in the air, holding speakers so all can hear. Curly Cohen and Gregory Pritchett introduce themselves as our tour guides. Curly sets the mood for the evening with his irreverent introduction of Not Your Mama's Bus Tour:

"Once again, I'd like to welcome you tonight and go over a few rules and regulations. According to the National Transportation and Safety Board, we are required to announce that: This is not your gray line, blue line, or happy face tour.

Curly Cohen (left) spins out the introduction to Not Your Mama's Bus Tour during its dress rehearsal. Gregory Pritchett stands by with script support.

At 7:07, we will not strain our necks at Navy Pier to look at some McFerris wheel and pay $14.95 for a sandwich named after a city 767 miles away.

At 7:18, we will not entomb ourselves in a stomach-turning elevator climbing to the 104th floor of the Sears Catalogue.

At 7:29, we will not pass city hall where Richard sits only because his father sat all over the city.

At 7:38, we will not even discuss corporatized cows or public ping-pong.

At 7:57, we will not contemplate John Hancock in any form. The name alone indicates just how obscene it is.

And finally, at no time during this tour will we stop at any McDonalds, let alone some Rock 'n Roll McDonalds, for a way-too-boring double cheeseburger combo, super-sized — like there isn't already enough wiener envy.

This is Not Your Mama's Bus Tour, but depending on your mama, this may be her kind of tour. Welcome aboard."

... article by Gina Buccola
... production by Cathy Haibach